The Last Post

Today was a disappointing last lap in the election campaign - or more like half a lap by the time I'd sorted out my transport. That's if strolling around in sunny Montgomeryshire can ever be described as in any way disappointing. But I was out to win votes - and I don't think I added a single vote to our cause today. Now I should add that I am not depressed about this. I don't need my friends to phone me to lift my spirits, as I suspect happened after some previous comment of mine. These days, Tories are so nice and look after each other in times of stress. So what happened today?

a) Met several former Lib Dem voters who were switching to us because of Lembit's private life. I just smiled wickedly, nodded sagely and accepted them.

b) Met a lady postman who was so p***ed off by how many leaflets she'd had to deliver that she was never going to vote again. And she sounded like one of ours. And there was absolutely no calming her. Flippant remarks fell flat.

c) Met a lovely couple who had moved from Pontypridd and who always vote Tory. My eyes lit up until they said they are not yet registered to vote!

d) Met more people who want me to denigrate the Poles - and I just can't stoop sufficiently low to make the noises needed to win their votes.

e) Met several committed Tories who had already sent in their postal votes.

f) Met a young man who had definitely decided to vote for us - but when I asked him what time he was going to vote he said "I didn't know it was tomorrow" Hopes dashed again.

g) Met one very switched on couple who said they had decided not to vote - because there was no real difference between the parties. Gave it a go but I have to admit that the two minutes I did to sell my party on Post Cynta this morning could have been the pitch of the Lib Dems or Plaid. They wouldn't say how they will vote.

h) Heard more support for the BNP - but not one mention of Ukip all day.

Apart from one fellow who started to rant about 'that evil woman' everyone was very friendly - but apathy rules. Finished up shaking Dan Munford's hand, wishing him victory (and I really meant it) and feeling a bit flat. Actually, I'm watching Francis Maude for us and Vince Cable for the Lib Dems on Newsnight competing to play down expectations - both so flat they're horizontal. This low key line of mine is clearly quite fashionable. Good job we've got Alun Cairns to bite a few ankles.

And now Betsan is on Newsnight - My God, network has realised there's an election going on in Wales! And now Ieuan's on! Bet he's wetting himself. He's only been off Anglesey for 5 days. And Jeremy's just asked him why he is prepared to work with the Tories. And Ie looks up for it. Laugh if you must - but the 'Rainbow Coalition' looks on. Its not my fantasy after all. Some of my fellow Welsh bloggers (who I now rather cockily refer to as teenage scribblers) and who have mocked me over this matter had best prepare to crawl before me and acknowledge my avuncular foresight. So I finish this last post before my computer is switched off on a high note after all. Vote 'Welsh Conservative for a Change'. Another Captain Oates moment.