Monday, May 07, 2007

The Curse of Lembit

Following Peter Black's call for Mike German to step aside from leading the Liberal Democrat group in the National Assembly, I see that Lembit Opik has given Mike his full support. Well, that should destroy any chance Mike had of surviving. About 15 months ago, at the time of Charles Kennedy's resignation, I issued a press release which remains largely relevent today - with the odd word changed. At the time Lembit managed to support Charles Kennedy, Mark Oaten and Simon Hughes in quick succession only for them to step down after admitting firstly, to a drink problem - secondly, to taking part in sexual acts with rent boys - and thirdly, to lying about being homosexual. Managed to find press release. It read as follows.

EX-TORY AM GOES INTO HIDING TO AVOID 'CURSE OF LEMBIT'

Glyn Davies, Ex-Conservative AM for Mid and West Wales, has disappeared from public view in order to limit the risk of being struck down by a mysterious new virus known as 'The Curse of Lembit'. The most obvious symptom of this deadly virus is the sudden appearance over your shoulder and out of thin air of the Liberal Democrat MP, Lembit Opik. Without immediate action, disintegration of the career of the interviewee is total and terminal. The world has seen nothing comparable since the late Eric Morecambe was prone to appear in similar fashion.

The United Nations has acted decisively and appointed a specialist in intra galactic viruses, and the Security Council has gone into special session to consider an emergency strategy should all the politicians of the world refuse to carry out any interviews until the threat has passed. Tony Blair has appointed a Tsar to deal with the panic. Both Paddy Ashdown and Mike Ruddock refused to take the job on because the challenge is far beyond anything that they have taken on before.

Commenting before going into hiding, Glyn Davies said,

"My home county of Montgomeryshire seems to be the epicentre of this deadly virus. I am not one to panic, but this virus is particularly difficult to control. I've decided to go into hiding and I encourage others to take precautions. The best defence is to keep well away from any cameras, and any persons who may have been in contact with 'The Curse of Lembit'. If it is impossible to avoid a TV interview, insist on standing up against a wall, leaving no space for a human type form to slip in behind you. Always remain vigilant because this virus appears without warning and jumps from behind one shoulder to the other with great agility, searching out the best camera angle. The virus is particularly threatening to anyone who harbours any sort of ambition.

I have discussed the threat of a pandemic with Roche International, who are working around the clock to find an antidote. The company is working on the theory that the virus may have emanated from outer space and have set up a hot line to the Estonian Centre for inter galactic diseases. The company is facing problems because no-one with a shred of ambition is prepared to work on the project. Roche has also announced that because of unprecedented demand, priority groups will be identified for early treatment. First to be treated will be young Liberal Democrats, followed by weird people with beards and sandals and anyone who has the ability to face two ways at the same time.

The situation has deteriorated today when Mr Lembit Opik, in an unprecedented statement, said he was unavailable for comment. He was last seen roaring away into the sunset on a Japanese motorbike with a pillion rider shouting out "Touch my bum". This will be my last press release until the danger has passed
."

8 comments:

Richie said...

Glyn, you may want to remove the word 'depraved' from mark oatens sexual acts, it leaves you open to criticism. Especially after the Dan Miller cock-up. All the best, Richie

Glyn Davies AM said...

Done. Well meant advice usually taken

Anonymous said...

Glyn,

paid rhoi fyny ar y blog cymraeg. Dal ati!

Glyn Davies AM said...

anon - dw i'n mynd i wneud hynny. Ond ar hyn o bryd, does dim cyfrifiadur gyda fi gartref. Rhaid i mi gyrru lawr i'r swyddfa yn Trallwng i bloggio. Felly, rhaid i mi canalbwyntio of y blog hwn tan wythnos nesa.

Damon said...

That's funny. Come back to the front line soon! Stand against Limp Bizkit in the General Election - you're bound to win!

Savonarola said...

I am not in a position to give you advice since I know little of Welsh politics. However should you decide to stand against Lembit Opik in next General Election, I pledge £1000 to your campaign fund. Both the Welsh Assembly and Westminster need voices who can speak for the countrside. The suited gents at Whitehall know little and care less about rural Britain. Good luck with Mrs D's knee operation. You must not rush her to walk too soon. Must build up quads with gentle and regular exercise. MOST IMPORTANT.

Glyn Davies AM said...

Expose yourself safonarola. Such money will make a big difference. by Friday, the only thing that will matter to me will be Mrs D's knee.

Savonarola said...

The money will arrive in your account within days of your decision. I myself, dead many years for speaking too loudly in Florence, may do a Lazarus and come down for your campaign to stuff envelopes and bless the ballot boxes.

Good luck to Mrs D for Friday. You must both be patient post op. Knee complex so not to rush things and Mrs must not get despondent if recovery slower that she expects.

I shall watch this blog and at the correct moment my hood will be removed and pen put to paper.