Red Alert.

At last, a silver lining breaks through the mountains of heavy cloud that have clothed our newspapers in wall-to-wall misery. After weeks indulging in a frenzy of doom-mongering, today's Telegraph reports on one of those idiotic research projects that universities love to carry out - the aim being to bring a little gaiety into the drabness that fills too much of our lives. The University of Rochester, in New York has discovered that men look upon ladies dressed in red as "being in heat and available for mating". Alongside this discovery, its not really surprising that the research findings also reveal men are prepared to spend more money on ladies who wear red. The report informs us that the research involved 100 undergraduates being shown photographs of "moderately attractive" young women kitted out in different colours.

So Chris Deburgh got it right. Until today I thought that the reason his rendering of 'Lady in Red' was one of my all time favourites was because I liked it. It haunts like 'Wonderful Tonight', Clapton's appeal to Pattie Boyd to get a move on when dressing for a party. But No. It seems that its because I continue to be driven by a 'primal instinct and primitive biological roots', which tells the part of my brain which considers these things, that 'red' means 'hot'. I feel quite ashamed of myself. I do hope that the Wales on Sunday's 'spin doctor' doesn't read this.

The plant I grow most is the kniphofia, otherwise known as the 'Red Hot Poker'. My favourite dahlia is the deep red 'Bishop of Llandaff''. My favourite wild creature is the red squirrel. And as I let my mind meander..... hmmm.... best stop now, even if the BBC's Welsh political 'morality guardian, David Cornock is on paternity leave. The bad news from a Conservative perspective is that the colour least likely to make these "moderately attractive" young women into desirable objects was blue.