Saturday, March 15, 2008

How to confirm if a cat's dead.

Little girl told her mum that she's just seen a dead cat on the roadside. When he mum asked how she knew it was dead, she said that it had not moved when she pi**ed in its ear. "You did what?" said shocked mum. "Yes, I just leaned over the cat and went 'pssst' in its ear". This is a very unlikely story. Most little girls these days would just have given the cat a good kicking.

7 comments:

Dr. Christopher Wood said...

This story about confirming if a cat was dead has reminded me of a very disconcerting event in Englishcombe near Bath (no, not a badger story). My wife and I were very excited as it was our first wedding anniversary and we booked to have a very nice meal in a very nice restaurant in downtown Bath. I was still in shock that I had happened upon a very pretty young American woman who took to me and said yes when I asked her to marry me. My wife’s friends remarked that we still held hands when we went out. Still relatively new to the UK, she worked as a waitress in the Pump Room restaurant in Bath.

Anyway, we were getting ready to head off. My wife in a nice dress and me with a tie strapped to my neck (not something that I wore in Bath University’s labs where I was doing a post-doc). So, it was late afternoon and I guess we were about to call a taxi when there was the most terrifying commotion going on in the back-garden. We rented the downstairs in a beautiful house with a really beautiful back-garden that the landlord (who lived upstairs) tended. It was such a lovely garden and from the front we had sweeping views all the way to the outskirts of Bristol.

The commotion was intense. Thinking back one might have thought “the aliens had landed in the backyard” or a car full of children and adults had somehow got caught up by a tornado and dumped vertically into the backyard. The screeching and terrifying noises were unspeakable.

To this day I have never heard such awful terrifying nightmarish screams.

I shudder when I think of that day.

[To be continued]

Yours,
Christopher D. Wood, PhD, JD

http://www.premierpatents.com/
http://www.woodeisenberg.com/

Rev Iolo Morgan said...

What an appalling example of how far and low Welsh society has fallen to.
Morals and actions of alley cats.

Left Field said...

[To be continued]

I literally can wait. :-)

Anonymous said...

who was kicking the cat then? Glyn, I really do wonder what has happened to this country.

Glyn Davies said...

Well, I didn't think it was that bad. But just in case anyone is upset I should add that it wasn't a real story - and I've never seen a little girl kicking a cat either.

Dr. Christopher Wood said...

Left field> sounds a bit like the old "Lost in Space" episodes ("Same time, same space, next week" or something like that) ... btw, in the USA software programmers can get patents on new algorithms (unlike in the UK/EU) so long as there is a claim that speaks to a "useful, concrete and tangible result", e.g., outputting a result on a display device.

Yours,
Christopher D. Wood, PhD, JD

http://www.premierpatents.com/
http://www.woodeisenberg.com/

Left Field said...

Thanks god it wasn't real. It would be another "Jennifer's Ear". I can see it now "Glyn's Cat"

Christopher, I must confess "I literally can wait" was borrowed from Talk Show host Nick Abbot.

If I ever write any algorithms worth patenting I'll give you a call. Usually, they evolve in the fashion of an infinite number of monkeys on an infinite number of typewriters.;-)