Saturday, February 16, 2008

Hail the 'Castrati'.

Been to the AGM of the Montgomeryshire Conservative Association today. First time I've had an opportunity to talk to our new President, Lord Gowrie. And a great pleasure it was too. He's an Irishman, with a Scottish title, married to a German, who emigrated to Wales. He's also amusing, cultured, and seemed to have that streak of 'independent' thinking that I so enjoy, and aspire to myself. I particularly enjoyed his description of hereditary peers as the 'Castrati' - a word that conveys a sense of history and reduced potency that sums up the position perfectly. I was lucky with our last President of 3 years, Robert Harvey, a noted author (of history books) and former MP for Clwyd South. He was casually 'independent' as well. There must be something about the air in Montgomeryshire that attracts people who will not pander to prejudice, and will not be pushed around. Must be why I would never live anywhere else.


Anonymous said...

I believe you are seen by some as a bit of a handful.
Perhaps a cup of tea or two is called for by you and your president.

Dr. Christopher Wood said...

A curiously strong ‘cup of tea’ on current ‘news’ stories …

First Disclaimer: all the below is the product of an over-active imagination. The quip about China stealing American military technology was just off the top of my head – no connection whatsoever with reality. Los Alamos is a 101% secure lab (as far as Welsh Rabbits are concerned) and it is absolutely not true that the Pentagon runs a regular column in any of Beijing Daily Newspaper Group’s organs. Just not true. Just like that label, “Made in China”, not true. It’s all made in Pontypool, which is why Wales ‘must have’ all those wind-turbines and why England’s country side around Kent ‘must be’ free of the buggers.

Prepare to be raided ... OK, for some fun between highly technical patent drafting and as I put the finishing touches to my soon-to-be-rejected book, “Welshman in America” – a Welsh-Cohen take on “taking America” or to coin a phrase “[A]nd now for something completely different …”

All that follows was found just yesterday in a microdot extracted from the Cat (from BBC’s Red Dwarf) character, the cover story that he brandished a samurai sword at two bin men is just that, a cover to get to let the brain doctors get to the microdot buried in his head.

Well anyway, Bath, (sorry, that great town in England), is about to make American history. How you might ask? And, secondly, what’s does this have to do with a Welsh AM’s blog? Absolutely Muffin?

“Absolutely Muffin” is probably about as close as you can get to a huge story breaking in my current neck of the woods. The Pentagon is about to launch a “Standard 3 Missile” at a dangerous “rouge” (meaning: rouge) spy satellite (curiously put up by the Pentagon) and which is about to re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere loaded, we are ‘reliably informed’ by various press releases, with hydrazine; funny thing about hydrazine is that it explodes when heated, don’t things get hot when they “burn up” on re-entry? The fact that a certain US Navy sea-going test-bed (USS Lake Erie, which comes fitted with the latest “Made in China” photocopiers) just happens to be in the “right place, at the right time” is “just a coincidence” – yeah, “It’s a Miracle” of WLT (Welsh Larvabread Technology, obviously not patent-protected).

Before I go any further, all the information in this post is from public domain sources, including the Pentagon’s most holy of holies ‘protected’ databases. How’s zat? Just ask any Chinese hacker of Welsh extraction. Also, it’s a joke in China that the Pentagon’s ‘securest’ data-bases belong to the Beijing Daily Newspaper Group. I kid you not.

Jokes aside, what’s the chance of this ‘spy’ satellite falling on Lembit Opik’s house? On a scale of 1-100? Well read on, you might be surprised at the answer.

The USS Lake Erie is curiously in the right place at the right time to launch a Standard 3 at the ‘spy satellite’. Probably in the next 2 or 3 weeks, a Standard 3 will receive a control signal whereupon it will erupt out of its vertical launch tube and “head for the skies boys”. This is delicate stuff, the superset computer programs implemented “just in time” on the USS Lake Erie will receive a live-test ‘going over” in America’s attempt at a first-time-on-target-shoot-down (FTSD, pronounced “foot sid”), and in classic Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy style, deep down in the bowels of Lake Erie, the inside of a ship crewman’s locker will pop open to reveal a tantalizing glimpse of a pin-up of Gabriela Irimia of The Cheeky Girls.

Lake Erie was built in Bath, Maine, USA (named after Bath in Somerset). The Beijing Daily notes that the Lake Erie is the “US Navy’s test bed for the latest Yankee anti-satellite and anti-ballistic weapons technology”; in Pentagon parlance, “Aegis Ballistic Missile Defense System test-bed”. The Beijing Daily also notes that Chinese technological development of the Chinese Aegis Technology was completed in far less time than the Yankees took, “Chinese Aegis Technology is now being rolled out in the Aegis class Chinese Navy cruisers, which with the Chinese ‘researched’ ASW80 tunable nuke warhead (the ‘misplaced’ plans of which were curiously found behind a photocopier at Los Alamos in New Mexico, USA)”.

Anyway, with the Pentagon bent out of shape by the Chinese “excuse” to shoot down one of their own rouge satellites, the Pentagon just had to come up with a similar cover story to shoot down one of their rouge satellites, the re-entry of which will be monitored by USS Lake Erie curiously at sea at the right location and loaded with a “specially modified Standard 3” (like one can be modified on the fly) ready to shoot down the rouge US satellite. Meanwhile Bush is in Africa, Congress is on holiday, and Wales just beat England - grand slam of sorts.

So, what’s the connection with Lembit’s house? Well, hasn’t anyone made the connection between Lembit and rouge ‘asteroids” yet? “It’s in the microdot stupid; it’s all in the microdot in the Cats head.”

Btw, the Welsh Western Mail (an editor, urrgh OK, an “assistant editor”) has expressed some interest (and I emphasize “some”, but it was “in writing”, OK, a single line email); some interest then … in my upcoming book “Welshman in America” – so I guess I better start writing it. Sneak preview of the yet to be written “Welshman in America”: there will be a chapter on “Traveling Etiquette”, “Office Etiquette”, “Weather Etiquette”, a lot of “Xyz Etiquettes” “going on”.

Second Disclaimer: all the above is “just not true”. Not a word of it. All made up. Just nothing for the CIx, FBx, Mix, NSA or anyone else so inclined – just not true. None of it. All “Made in China”.