Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Irrepressible Mr Opik

I have just been to a meeting of the 'Save Llanidloes Hospital' campaign. In walked Britain's leading celeb, Lembit Opik. "Hi everyone - and I'll have no 'cheek' from you, Davies". The man is totally irrepressible.

I told Lembit that I was pleased to see that he has made his number with Rocky, Gabriela's Irish Wolfhound. In my experience, sorting out the dog is key to winning a lady's heart. I recall the first time I visited my wife's home, about 40 years ago, I was attacked by the family's vicious Dalmation, named Seamus. I stood my ground and as he went for my throat, I caught him under the jaw with my left boot and as he landed, I gave him some more. Apparently all previous suitors had just run for it. One had been left stranded on top of his mini. Lorraine Barrett may be a tad critical of my action - but it was a case of Seamus or me. You could say that Lembit's approach of patting Rocky on the head was more 'Lib-Dem that my strategy - but the point I make is that the relationship blossomed once the dog and I understood each other. So ,Lembit, this time it could be for real.

I see in today's Telegraph, Jan Moir writes that Lembit is being described as a 'super-charged sex god' who, according to Gabriela, likes making love to music. Jan Moir goes on to describe the Lib-Dems thus - "..the whole sandal-wearing lot of them are as randy as a platoon of Viagra charged polecats on shore leave". She goes on to mention the sexual acheivements of Palmeston, Gladstone and Paddy Ashdown who was renowned for completing the whole performance in less than 10 seconds, a feat only bettered in recent times by Boris Becker at 7 seconds. There is inevitably a competition about what piece of music would be most appropriate as background to the happy couple's bliss - and the 'minute waltz' is an early favourite. The prize is a cast-off umberella.

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