Saturday, August 30, 2008

Xmas Shopping

Every year as Xmas approaches, I suffer periods of severe anxiety. And its the same old problem every year. What do I buy for Mrs D. So its a big thank you to Professor Michael Dickinson, an American Scientist who has invented a fly swatter (complete with instructions) and swatting technique that will lead to assured success. No more spreading their dirty dung-laden bodies into ugly smears on the window pane, or knocking of delicate china to the floor during a demented assault with the rolled up Daily Telegraph, which reported this item on the front page of today's edition.

From December 25th onwards I expect to see Mrs D creeping around the house, using a new swatter with a degree of camouflage designed into it. She will wait patiently for the fly to land, and then approach it from behind - because it does not have a 360-degree field of vision. (Funnily I always thought it did) She will then assess which way the fly is facing, because that is the direction it will take as it seeks to make its escape. She will aim at a spot slightly in front of the fly (rather as some golfers do when aiming for the hole). And Bingo, dead fly, undamaged newspaper, clean window panes and an appreciated Xmas present. Sure beats the Barbados holiday I bought as a surprise last year.


Anonymous said...

Flies are hard-wired up the yaazoo and then some. When a fly buzzes it is in distress. When a fly buzzes and thrashes about, it is both in distress and feeling trapped.

Is it me, but isn't Darling the Chancellor of the Exchequer doing a bit of buzzing lately? Will we hear thrashing next?

Vote Glyn Davies, the candidate who doesn't go "buzz". Unlike another we could mention ...

Glyn Davies said...

Generally, this blog is a buzz-free zone.