These are supposed to be genuine extracts of letters sent to the Council Offices at Oldham. I don't want to cause any offence to the people of Oldham, but there must be a few odd types living up there.
"This is to let you know that there is a nasty smell coming from the man next door".
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage".
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my drawers".
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen".
"I want some repairs done to my cooker, as it has backfired and burnt my knob off".
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared".
"The person next door has a large erection in his garden which is unsightly and dangerous".
"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so please send someone around to do something about it".
"Would you please send someone to repair my spout. I am an old aged pensioner and need it straight away".
"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get BBC 2".
And my favorite - "Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done, as my wife is about to become an expectant mother".