"Hello Edna", I said. "Mrs Mopbucket if you don't mind" was the snooty response. and she sounded as if she'd been to the same voice doctor as Mrs Thatcher used when she went all deep and authoritative in the mid 80s. "Just you remember that I'm a 'hockey mom' with lipstick" she snapped, and then started growling like a pit bull. Edna's always been a touch unpredictable, but suddenly she reckons her background as a hockey player and a mother gives her the same status as an American Vice-President. Sarah Palin is clearly going to unsettle the delicate gender balance that underpins every liberal democracy in the western world.
Anyway, Edna was on with news. She's been doing some cleaning in Cathay's Park last week. She was just passing a dingy little office with 'All wales Convention' scribbled on the door, when she heard strange noises from within. It started with a raised voice, followed by silence, followed by a fist banging the desk and then what sounded like a human head beating itself against the wall. Edna, being Edna, peeped through the keyhole and saw this rather urbane fellow tearing his well groomed hair out. She couldn't see very well but thought he was wearing a badge with something like Sir Emyr Jonah-Pariah written on it. What follows is what she thought she heard him say on the telephone. You can believe it if you want.
"What the hell do you mean by 'slow things down a bit' Rhodri. If I go any slower I'll fall off the b***** bike. Do you want this b****** referendum by 2011 or not.
Now look here Rhodri. I'm sick of being a pawn in your silly little game. If you don't want a referendum, tell the people. I've faffed around for twelve months already. Enough's enough. Frustrated is what I am Rodders - very frustrated. I've a mind to ring up Martin Shipton and let him know what you just said.
(Another long pause)
Its not my job to help Ieuan Wyn Jones keep his B****** infantry behind him - or to give you a nice comfortable run-in to retirement. When you asked me to help you deliver what you called a 'New wales', I thought you meant it. Just because I've been a diplomat for most of my life does not mean that I never want to actually deliver something - or that I won't rock the boat. Do you hear me Rodders. I am frustrated by the patheiic progress we are making - and you ask me to slow things down a bit. You're really pushing me to the limit. Now what's Shipton's number."
Then there was silence, until the head banging started.