Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Police Fundraising

I'd been wondering what the Police were going to do to compensate for the loss of income now that speed cameras are being removed in some areas. Well, the Preston Police have come up with a cracking idea. They've started handing out £80 fixed penalty notices for using profane language. Signs and banners are being displayed around the city warning 'No Effin and Jeffin'. I know what Effin means, but I got a clue what 'Jeffin' is. I hesitate to mention this. The last time I sought knowledge of this sort, I remember being very embarrassed when I was told what a 'Milf' was.

This is rather a good ruse by the men in blue. It will raise a lot of money. Just remember the total that Newcastle Manager, Joe Kinnear would have totted up in one minute - £4160-00. I know friends of mine who could rattle up a grand's worth in a single sentence. All the Police would have to do in Powys would be to knock on every one's door and ask for an opinion on the Council's decision to turn street lights off. They would be driving around in Bentleys on the proceeds.

Or the Essex Police could release a sack of rats in the Fire Station at Waltham Abbey. Telegraph tells us today that when a part-time officer opened the building, he ran for it at speed because he saw two mice - and the station was closed down for two hours. I'd bet he let fly with some expletives as he legged it. Just imagine the reaction if the crew found 52 rats nibbling at their lunch boxes. I'm hoping to attend the Welshpool Fire Service's Annual Carol Concert on Saturday night in St Mary's. They'll all be on their best behavior in church.


exPreston Man said...

Preston cops might have a proglem then. "As it happens, as it happens" I've lived in Preston (did a Masters in biotechnology at Lancashire Polytechnic, now called University of Central Lancashire) and I must report that I can't remember anyone using the 'f word'. It's a pretty quiet place, some night clubs, but nothing out of the box.

gp said...

Glyn, I believe Jeffin means Joking?

Anonymous said...

How much would you get fined if you called a Preston Police Officer a Paramilitary Fascist Pig?

Glyn Davies said...

ex P man - Perhaps 'bloody' counts in Preston.

gp - surely you can't be fined £80 for joking?

anon - I think you would deserve rather more than £80 for that.