First Green Shoots

Evan Edwin Jerman (1912 - 2007) was buried today. I don't suppose he knew much about blogging - and I don't know whether there is a blogosphere in the ever after. If there is and Edwin reads this post, I just want to say "Thanks Edwin". I daresay you are wandering if my mind has gone, along with my seat in the Assembly! Let me explain.

At the request of the family, I read a 'eulogy' at the funeral this afternoon, which took place in my local Berriew Church. There was a big congregation and I needed to get it right. I had to forget the pathetic self-pity I've been suffeering from since losing my Assembly seat on Thursday. For an hour or two the only thing that mattered was 'getting it right'. And then it got better. Over the sandwiches, almost the entire room seemed to be commiserating with me and begging/challenging/ordering me to stand against Lembit Opik in the next General Election. I felt the first green shoots of recovery emerge out of the oppressive blackness of electoral defeat - a bit like the first stirrings in the loin area after my bowel cancer operation.

Politicians are odd people. Many of us love our jobs in a totally irrational way. They take us over like an alien force - and when we lose, our world simply fall apart. Edwin Jerman was the father-in-law of Delwyn Williams, a former Conservative MP who lost Montgomeryshire in 1983. I talked to Delwyn about this after the funeral and he told me that, at the time he felt like a turkey with its head cut off. I did a good job today, and met a man who understands - and 'lo and behold' here I am back at the keyboard.

I can't read my usual bloggers though, because Cairsey told me that they are littered with kind comments. Even Arsembly for God's sake. And there's another strange thing. I can't read nice comments without crying. Now, I'm no 'new man' on this issue. When I was young, real men didn't emote - until the brilliant yob, Gascoyne came along - the big girl. But since that 4 days on morphine, after the surgeon cut away my rectum, anus etc in 2002, I cry at the slightest provocation. My eyes go all misty and my voice goes squeaky and breaks up. If only I could control this like Blair does, it would be politically useful.

And what about politics. I haven't looked yet. I hope Nick Bourne is on the phone to Ieuan and Mike about a coalition. Please don't tell me we have to wait another 4 years. If we have a Labour government, propped up by the Lib Dems, with Ieuan as Leader of the Opposition and Nick leading a noisy 'ginger group', I could be thinking what the hell have I been so depressed about over the last day or two. And come to that, I wander whether Mike German has been asked to resign as leader yet? The emoting Kirsty must be plotting. Just blogging has perked me up no end - and I swear the shoots have become a smidgen greener over the last few minutes.